One thing that I always hate about vacations is they end very quickly. Well, I still have a day..almost a day. My tomorrow's plan is to visit fields in the morning and eat chat in bazaar one last time on this vacation. After that I will catch a train in late evening from my hometown to MughalSarai. From there I will board Sanghmitra express which will take me to Bangalore. I am again looking forward to those forty plus hours in the train. Ah...I am going too much into future, let me come back to present or rather go back slightly in the past.Today I visited DildarNagar branch of Allahabad Bank . Purpose was to get form 16 for my mom from the bank so that she could file return. The bank has levied income tax on the interest that my mom earned from her FD.
The bank in DildarNagar is still like a durbar. At the entrance you will find couple of constables with gun. Half of the time either they will be eating tobacco or rubbing it to throw it at the right place - their mouth. The main channel gate will be almost closed, just open enough to let one person squeeze somehow through it. Don't misunderstand, the bank is very much open. It's a very Indian thing that almost always even in the greatest of the buildings in India you would find the main grand door closed and a side much smaller door open. I don't know the reason but I have seen it in Benares, Delhi, Hyderabad and Bangalore and so by mathematical induction I am generalizing it for India. Anyway, inside the bank you will find a branch manager who is treated like an emperor. Very few are permitted to speak to him and even fewer muster the courage to really speak to him and whoever would speak will also looked as someone special and influential. Most of the clerks would not be at their desks. One more interesting thing has happened in recent past - the branch is now fully computerized and so it's virtually paralyzed. No one efficiently operates the machines and so if by any chance the network plug is pulled out then all poor customers are doomed for the day. If in one stroke the website is not loaded then its declared that the link is down and it will come back after couple of hours. If you need print outs then you are put in a queue and normally asked to come at the end of the day to collect the prints....ah so much fun in so little space.
So I spoke to the manager for form 16 and he told me that the CA will come at 12:30. At 12:30 I spoke to him again and he got agitated. Then I took out the "brahmastra". I started in English. Within a minute he asked who am I, what is my qualification, have I paid donation to get my degree, how much I earn, why I did not get job in Infosys etc. After getting satisfied, he told me to speak to the CA. The CA told me that he will call back at 1:30. As expected he did not call and so I called him at 1:30 and used "brahmastra" once more - and it again worked. But he gave me some lame reason why he cannot issue the form to me and asked me to speak to his manager. This time I went for the kill at once and spoke to his manager in English from the very beginning and finally I was issued a form 16 at 4 PM. Along with me some other folks also got the form 16, needless to say that they had been running for this golden form for months. All of them thanked me and I was humbled with their politeness. The manager invested another 15 minutes from his work time and asked me to teach him about the basics of computer and then shyly asked me if I did my schooling from DildarNagar.
I got the sign of the manager on the form and said 'yaar, ye Angrezi bade kaam ki cheez hai'.
The bank in DildarNagar is still like a durbar. At the entrance you will find couple of constables with gun. Half of the time either they will be eating tobacco or rubbing it to throw it at the right place - their mouth. The main channel gate will be almost closed, just open enough to let one person squeeze somehow through it. Don't misunderstand, the bank is very much open. It's a very Indian thing that almost always even in the greatest of the buildings in India you would find the main grand door closed and a side much smaller door open. I don't know the reason but I have seen it in Benares, Delhi, Hyderabad and Bangalore and so by mathematical induction I am generalizing it for India. Anyway, inside the bank you will find a branch manager who is treated like an emperor. Very few are permitted to speak to him and even fewer muster the courage to really speak to him and whoever would speak will also looked as someone special and influential. Most of the clerks would not be at their desks. One more interesting thing has happened in recent past - the branch is now fully computerized and so it's virtually paralyzed. No one efficiently operates the machines and so if by any chance the network plug is pulled out then all poor customers are doomed for the day. If in one stroke the website is not loaded then its declared that the link is down and it will come back after couple of hours. If you need print outs then you are put in a queue and normally asked to come at the end of the day to collect the prints....ah so much fun in so little space.
So I spoke to the manager for form 16 and he told me that the CA will come at 12:30. At 12:30 I spoke to him again and he got agitated. Then I took out the "brahmastra". I started in English. Within a minute he asked who am I, what is my qualification, have I paid donation to get my degree, how much I earn, why I did not get job in Infosys etc. After getting satisfied, he told me to speak to the CA. The CA told me that he will call back at 1:30. As expected he did not call and so I called him at 1:30 and used "brahmastra" once more - and it again worked. But he gave me some lame reason why he cannot issue the form to me and asked me to speak to his manager. This time I went for the kill at once and spoke to his manager in English from the very beginning and finally I was issued a form 16 at 4 PM. Along with me some other folks also got the form 16, needless to say that they had been running for this golden form for months. All of them thanked me and I was humbled with their politeness. The manager invested another 15 minutes from his work time and asked me to teach him about the basics of computer and then shyly asked me if I did my schooling from DildarNagar.
I got the sign of the manager on the form and said 'yaar, ye Angrezi bade kaam ki cheez hai'.
5 comments:
In uttar pradesh English always influence the person on the other side especially when you are speaking in government offices , because only then they understand that someone knowing the system stands in front of them :)
Krishna ,
you have very simplisticly captured the esssence of UP govt offices.
But sometimes English backfires as ppl take it for ego rather than get impressed . But once u start speaking in English to bank.govt office .. ppl turn their heads for sure !
Even in Lucknow, i have seen SBI gate open just a wee bit as if daya kar rahe ho entry deke...:-)
Ur description is hilarious...:-)
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